The egos and me
Nature that individuals have differs and this nature determines what the person does. Character is contributing factor but not the final decider. In fact nature character moulds one’s character.
Many of my friends said, I have an ego. I have never felt to be so. Here are few examples. It was when I was in grade V. Class top in examinations was my performance but not intention. I never wished that I have to win others. Winning is what I lack in my heart.
In grade VI, one of my friends went ahead of me in academic performance though he was a lower middle performer in previous years. I was happy with friends doing their performances better.
One other friend asked why I become second in class. I didn’t care. My interests were on literary writings. But he said, it was because of my ego. I had never heard of it before. I don’t remember doing so, but that friend told the story behind other friend’s success. I learnt he started hard work after I refused to tell him answer of a question during an exam. I said best of luck.
By the time I reached grade IX, this good performer again declined. During college days, we were best friends. When I reminded him of the incident, I told him it was his ego not mine. He admitted, I have fewer egos and wish to do what is correct.
A new friend from Panchaoti school had similar experiences with me. When I had some tussle with teachers regarding school discipline, this boy had publicly said, I had so much ego. As a good student in junior classes, he planned that he must win me to burst my ego, though he did not in first term. As I learnt his plans, I let him win in successive exams. By the time we appeared SLC, he admitted my nature was not symbols of ego.
Similar stories are created by formation of Bhutan Youth Literary Forum, Rose Class, begining of The Shangrila Sandesh or establishment of Bhutan Press Union. If fact, BPU was the initiation of me and Tejman Rayaka, but now no one knows it. There are many such instances I observed in the last 12 years when I started working as social activist. All instances have taught me that it is my strict nature which is seem by friends as ego.
I know I have strict nature, very strict. When I say, it has to be but if I am convinced what I proposed is not good, I withdraw it. I always wish to be junior in team and contribute but circumstances forced me to take lead. And if anyone is not satisfied with what I do, the only thing I wish to do is let me leave the forum. I notion is: this will help give continuity to what is initiated. But unfortunately, all projects I started but left later have vanished.
My strict nature and speaking frankly what is fact are rather termed in some instances as ago. I am publicity shy and remain behind the curtain to let members in the team get publicity. I do table works, rather to call it as computer works for this age. The only thing I wish is, let public also know who did which work. Labor without credit or recognition is not at all the wish a person keeps for ever.
Reading my latest post in blog, TP vai furiously said I have ego. I have no idea on what ground, he came to that conclusion within minutes but I am sure, not certain, he will later know it was not my ego. I had only intended that let other friends contribute more, not alone vidhya and me. The post was the exhaustion of my, along with vidhya, tireless work without credits, despite investment from pocket.
Anger is natural in young age. Let TP not repent for his quick decision. I had faced such in the past.